The book you wish your parents had read

the book you wish your parents had read

• Index • Latest • Reviews • What Is Blinkist? • Blinkist Review 2022 • Blinkist Discount Code May 2022 • Audible Review 2022 • Audiobooks.com Review 2022 • getAbstract Review 2022 • Instaread Review 2022 • Scribd Review 2022 • Academic Mastery With Roam Review 2022 • Free • Book Lists • The 33 Best Self Help Books • The 21 Best Habit Books • The 14 Best Finance Books • The 33 Best Happiness Books • The 31 Best Motivational Books • The 34 Best Psychology Books • The 7 Best Inspirational Books • 3×4 – 3 Books In 12 Minutes • Reading Gadgets • Reading Course • Store • Lifetime Deal • The 4 Minute Millionaire (Book) • Reading Guide • Author Marketing Package • Random Post • Social • Youtube • TikTok • Quora • Facebook • Twitter • Instagram • Pinterest • Newsletter • Search for: Search Button 1-Sentence-Summary: The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read will help you step back and focus more on the big picture of parenting to foster a strong relationship with your child so they can grow up emotionally and mentally healthy.

Read in: 4 minutes Favorite quote from the author: If you’re a parent, you know there is no shortage of parenting advice to go around. From “Picking up your child too much will spoil them,” to “ Kids need strict rules,” they’re everywhere. But the mass collection of parenting books out there is proof that as parents, we yearn for professional guidance on how to bring up our kids.

This is because we really want our kids to be happy, and want to make sure we’re not screwing them up. Many parenting books give complicated rules to follow, and it’s hard to keep it all straight, leading many parents to feel discouraged. But what if there was a parenting book that could help you ensure your kids were happy and healthy that just gave the essentials? The Book You Wished Your Parents Had: (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) by Philippa Perry is just that book. Here are the 3 great takeaways from this book: • The way we react to parenting situations is tied to our childhood.

• Validate all your child’s feelings, even ones you feel are irrational. • There are things we can do the book you wish your parents had read parents to encourage sound mental health. Are you ready to throw away your complicated parenting books and get back to the basics? Let’s learn! If you want to save this summary for later, download the free PDF and read it whenever you want. Download PDF Lesson 1: Our responses to parenting situations are closely linked to how we were parented.

Sometimes when our kids do stuff we just don’t understand why. But to understand them Perry says we need to step back and realize we need to look at the biggest influences in their lives: ourselves.

We have the biggest influence on them and they watch us closely, so if we want to really understand our kids, we need to first understand ourselves. What we learned as kids can have a huge impact on our reactions and parenting style as adults. When we make negative associations as kids, this can carry on into our adult life. An example of this is of a dad who began to feel angry every time his 18 month-old didn’t eat or dropped food on the ground.

When the author helped him look into his past, he realized the reason he felt this way was because his parents would punish him swiftly for this kind of behavior. Those negative experiences he had as a kid carried into his parenting and clouded his judgment. So what do we do if we can’t change our past? We can do this by looking into our past and sorting through the good and bad experiences.

When we think about the experiences, we should think about the way we felt about it then, and how we feel about it now. When we understand this, it will help us become more compassionate parents. Whenever negatively charged emotions come back, it’s a sign we should explore our childhood to discover why we feel the way we do about it. If we use these times to reflect and realize why we react the way we do, it will help us to be more empathetic parents. Lesson 2: Validating all of your child’s feelings will be more productive and healthier for the child.

If you’ve read our summary on No-Drama Discipline, this one won’t be entirely new to you. But I chose it because it is so essential to a child’s development.

Sometimes as parents we have to calm some pretty ridiculous-seeming tantrums over things like not getting ice cream for dessert. Ridiculous to us, yes, but to the child, those feelings are entirely real. Have you ever talked to someone who tries to tell you how you should feel when you’re just trying to let out your frustrations?

That’s a little bit how kids feel when we tell them they’re unjustified for crying over the ice cream. Instead of going with your instincts to get angry or ignore, seek first to acknowledge and understand. Perry isn’t trying to tell you that you should give your kid ice cream at the first sign of crying for it.

But she wants you to validate your child’s feelings. When we don’t allow them to feel these things, the feelings still exist, but they have to suppress them. This becomes a harmful future habit that is hard to break. It’s all about letting children know that you are aware of how they feel. An example of this is if a child is upset about not having ice cream, saying something like, “You’re sad because you really want ice cream, is that right?” You will be surprised by how much this helps them calm down` because what we all really want deep down is to feel understood by those around us.

Lesson 3: Our parenting can encourage sound mental health in our children. The mental health of a child can set the stage for how their mental health will be as an adult. And good news, parents: you can have a hand in helping your child grow to be mentally healthy. Perry’s first tip is engaged observation. We do this by listening with the intent to understand rather than to reply, as we so often do as parents. This fosters a healthy bond between parent and child.

Next, we should avoid being glued to our phones, which is a huge problem in today’s world. When children feel neglected they start to do what’s called “attention-seeking behaviors.” This can be throwing things, making messes, or whatever they know will get your attention.

When we are more attentive to them, they will be emotionally healthier, and will engage in less of these behaviors. Lastly, make sure your child has time for play, and encourage it as much as possible. It encourages curiosity and helps them learn, so try to be enthusiastic about their activities.

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read Review The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read is a relevant and beautifully simple guide for parents today. Rather than being condescending or complicated, it sticks to the basics and contains actionable advice from start to finish.

If you want sound advice on how to raise an emotionally and mentally healthy human, this is the book for you. Read full summary on Blinkist >> Free The book you wish your parents had read >> Learn more about the author >> Who would I the book you wish your parents had read The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read summary to? The 28-year-old mom pregnant with her first child, the 37-year-old dad who wants advice on how to connect better with his children, or anyone who has kids, wants kids, or works with kids.

Search for: Search Button Archives • May 2022 • April 2022 • March 2022 • February 2022 • January 2022 • December 2021 • November 2021 • October 2021 • September 2021 • August 2021 • July 2021 • June 2021 • May 2021 • April 2021 • March 2021 • February 2021 • January 2021 • December 2020 • November 2020 • October 2020 • September 2020 • August 2020 • July 2020 • June 2020 • May 2020 • April 2020 • March 2020 • February 2020 • January 2020 • December 2019 • November 2019 • October 2019 • September 2019 • August 2019 • July 2019 • June 2019 • May 2019 • April 2019 • March 2019 • February 2019 • January 2019 • December 2018 • November 2018 • October 2018 • September 2018 • August 2018 • July 2018 • June 2018 • May 2018 • April 2018 • March 2018 • February 2018 • January 2018 • December 2017 • November 2017 • October 2017 • September 2017 • August 2017 • July 2017 • June 2017 • May 2017 • April 2017 • March 2017 • February 2017 • January 2017 • December 2016 • November 2016 • October 2016 • September 2016 • August 2016 • July 2016 • June 2016 • May 2016 • April 2016 • March 2016 • February 2016 • January 2016 • December 2015 Meta • Log in Four Minute Books participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising commissions by linking to Amazon.

We also participate in other affiliate programs, such as Blinkist, MindValley, Audible, Audiobooks, and others. Our referral links allow us to earn commissions at no extra cost to you, and keep the site running.

Thanks! This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website.

These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies.

It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. • Search • Genres • Fiction (8623 Books) • Erotica (4849 Books) • Romance (5376 Books) • Academic (397 Books) • Self Help (1185 Books) • Fantasy (7588 Books) • Young Adult (3652 Books) • Philosophy (551 Books) • Science Fiction (2466 Books) • Biography (877 Books) • Psychology (605 Books) • BooksVooks • All Genres > • Authors • James Patterson (180 Books) • Catherine Coulter (78 Books) • Nora Roberts (76 Books) • Anne McCaffrey (74 Books) • Terry Pratchett (59 Books) • Janet Evanovich (55 Books) • David Weber (53 Books) • Orson Scott Card (53 Books) • Sherrilyn Kenyon (53 Books) • Clive Cussler (53 Books) • BooksVooks • All Authors > • Series • In Death (79 Books) • Goosebumps (67 Books) • Hercule Poirot (65 Books) • The Hardy Boys (60 Books) • Nancy Drew Mystery Stories (57 Books) • Star Wars Legends (56 Books) • Stone Barrington (52 Books) • Harry Potter (50 Books) • Long, Tall Texans (50 Books) • Discworld (49 Books) • Nero Wolfe (48 Books) • All Series > • Popular Books • Blog The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) PDF Book by Philippa Perry (2019) Download or Read Online Free Author: Philippa Perry - Submitted by: Maria Garcia - 5650 Views - View Chapter List - Add a Review The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) PDF book by Philippa Perry Read Online or Free Download in ePUB, PDF or MOBI eBooks.

Published in March 7th 2019 the book become immediate popular and critical acclaim in parenting, non fiction books. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) PDF Details Author: Philippa Perry Book Format: Hardcover Original Title: The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) Number Of Pages: 256 pages First Published in: March 7th 2019 Latest Edition: March 7th 2019 Language: English Genres: Parenting, Non Fiction, Psychology, Self Help, Childrens, Audiobook, Family, Relationships, Health, Mental Health, Self Help, Personal Development, Formats: audible mp3, ePUB(Android), kindle, and audiobook.

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) is a beautiful novel written by the famous author Philippa Perry. The book is perfect for those who wants to read non fiction, psychology books.

The book was first published in March 7th 2019 and the latest edition of the book was published in March 7th 2019 which eliminates all the known issues and printing errors. Feel free to read, download and share this book/novel with your known ones, and please tell us how you liked most about this book in comments Submit PDF's Related to The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) If You Had Controlling Parents pdf by Dan Neuharth 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Dont Do: Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success pdf by Amy Morin Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity pdf by Andrew Solomon Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents pdf by Lindsay C.

Gibson French Children Dont Throw Food: The hilarious NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER changing parents’ lives pdf by Pamela Druckerman What I Had Before I Had You pdf by Sarah Cornwell What the Hell Did I Just Read pdf by David Wong Im Glad About You pdf by Theresa Rebeck
“If you're determinedly not a self-help kind of reader (like me), the book you wish your parents had read an exception for [this book].

And if you're not a parent, don't dismiss it. The message is one of non-judgmental kindness.”― Vogue (London) How can we have better relationships? In this instant Sunday Times bestseller, leading psychotherapist Philippa Perry reveals the vital do's and don'ts of relationships. This is a book for us all. Whether you are interested in understanding how your upbringing has shaped you, looking to handle your child's feelings or wishing to support your partner, you will find indispensable information and realistic tips in these pages.

Philippa Perry's sane, sage and judgement-free advice is an essential resource on how to have the best possible relationships with the people who matter to you most.

Praise for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: “[H]onest, warm, the book you wish your parents had read judgment-free. .

the book you wish your parents had read

this is essential for all parents, from those first expecting to empty nesters. It's never too early or too late to improve the relationship with your children, and, as the title suggests, they'll be glad you did.” --Booklist the book you wish your parents had read review) “Healing from, and learning not to perpetuate, difficult upbringings is the linchpin of this practical, self-care–centered parenting guide.

. Perry’s kind but professional tone results in a helpful manual that will appeal to new parents who want an expert on board as they take the time to be reflective in their parenting.” --Publishers Weekly “Accessible, compassionate.” -- Bookpage "It is hard to read fast, not just because Perry’s text is punctuated by exercises.but because it prompts so many realisations, or insights, or clearly names things that have until now existed just beyond one’s awareness.

And it provides tools, straightforward and manageable if not always easy, that can be implemented at once. I am grateful for it." --The Guardian (UK) About the Author Philippa Perry has been a psychotherapist for the past twenty years.

She the book you wish your parents had read also a freelance writer, and a TV and radio presenter. She has worked on several documentaries, and has also written two other books, Couch Fiction, a Graphic Tale of Psychotherapy and How to Stay Sane. She lives in London with her husband, the artist Grayson Perry, and they have a grown-up daughter, Flo. PART ONE Your Parenting Legacy The cliché is true: children do not do what we say; they do what we do.

Before we even consider the behavior of our children, it's useful-essential, even-to look at their first role models. And one of them is you. This section is all about you, because you will be a major influence on your child.

In it, I'll give examples of how the past can affect the present when it comes to your relationship with your child. I will talk about how a child can often trigger old feelings in us that we then mistakenly act on in our dealings with them. I'll also be looking at the importance of examining our own inner critic so we do not pass too much of its damaging effects on to the next generation.

The past comes back to bite us (and our children) A child needs warmth and acceptance, physical touch, your physical presence, love plus boundaries, understanding, play with people of all ages, soothing experiences, and a lot of your attention and your time. Oh, so that's simple then: the book can end here. Except it can't, because things get in the way. Your life can get in the way: circumstances, childcare, money, school, work, lack of time, and busyness. . and this is not an exhaustive list, as you know.

What can get in the way more than any of this, however, is what was given to us when we ourselves were babies and children. If we don't look at how we were brought up and the legacy of that, it can come back to bite us. You might have found yourself saying something along the lines of: "I opened my mouth and my mother's words came out." Of course, if theirs were words that made you feel wanted, loved, and safe as a child, that would be fine.

But so often they are the words that did the opposite. What can get in the way are things like our own lack of confidence, our pessimism, our defenses, which block our feelings, and our the book you wish your parents had read of being overwhelmed by feelings.

Or when it comes specifically to relating to our children, it could be what irritates us about them, our expectations for them, or our fears for them. We are but a link in a chain stretching back through millennia and forward until who knows when.

The good news is you can learn to reshape your link, and this will improve the life of your children and their children, and you can start now. You don't have to do everything that was done to you; you can ditch the things that were unhelpful.

If you are a parent or are going to be one, you can unpack and become familiar with your childhood, examine what happened to you, how you felt about it then, how you feel about it now, and, after having done that unpacking and taken a good look at it all, put back only what you need.

If, when you were growing up, you were, for the most part, respected as a unique and valuable individual, shown unconditional love, and given enough positive attention, and you had rewarding relationships with your family members, you will have received a blueprint to create positive, functional relationships.

In turn, this would have shown you that you could positively contribute to your family and to your community. If all this is true of you, then the exercise of examining your childhood is unlikely to be too painful.

If you did not have a childhood like this-and that's the case for a large proportion of us-looking back on it may bring emotional discomfort. I think it is necessary to become more self-aware around that discomfort so that we can become more mindful of ways to stop us passing it on. So much of what we have inherited sits just outside of our awareness.

That makes it hard sometimes to know whether we are reacting in the here and now to our child's behavior or whether our responses are more rooted in our past. I think this story will help to illustrate what I mean. It was told to me by Tay, a loving mom and senior psychotherapist who trains other psychotherapists. I'm mentioning both her roles to make it clear that even the most self-aware and well-meaning of us can slip into an emotional time warp and find ourselves reacting to our past rather than to what's happening here in the present.

This story begins when Tay's daughter Emily, who was nearly seven, shouted to her that she was stuck on a jungle gym, that she needed help to get off. I told her to get down and, when she said she couldn't, I suddenly felt furious. I thought she was being ridiculous-she could easily get down herself. I shouted, "Get down this minute!" She eventually did. Then she tried to hold my hand, but I was still furious, and I said no, and then she howled.

Once we got home and made tea together she calmed down and I wrote off the whole thing to myself as "God, kids can be a pain." Fast-forward a week: we're at the zoo and there's another jungle gym.

Looking at it, I felt a flash of guilt. It obviously reminded Emily of the previous week too, because she looked up at me almost fearfully. I asked her if she wanted to play on it. This time, instead of sitting on a bench looking at my phone, I stood by the jungle gym and watched her.

When she felt she'd got stuck, she held out her arms to me for help. But this time I was more encouraging. I said, "Put one foot there and the other there and grab that and you'll be able to do it by yourself." And she did.

When she had got down, she said, "Why didn't you help me last time?" I thought about it, and I said, "When I was little, Nana treated me like a princess and carried me everywhere, told me to 'be careful' all the time. It made me feel incapable of doing anything for myself and I ended up with no confidence.

I don't want that to happen to you, which is why I didn't want to help when you asked to be lifted off the jungle gym last week. And it reminded me of being your age, when I wasn't allowed to get down by myself. I was overcome with anger and I took it out on you, and that wasn't fair." Emily looked up at me and said, "Oh, I just thought you didn't care." "Oh no," I said. "I care, but at that moment I didn't know that I was angry at Nana and not at you. And I'm sorry." Like Tay, it's easy to fall into making instant judgments or assumptions about our emotional reaction without considering that it may have as much to do with what's being triggered in our own background as with what's happening now.

But when you feel anger-or any other difficult emotions, including resentment, frustration, envy, disgust, panic, irritation, dread, fear, et cetera-in response to something your child has done or requested, it's a good idea to think of it as a warning. Not a warning that your child or children are necessarily doing anything wrong but that your own buttons are being pressed. Often the pattern works like this: when you react with anger or another overly charged emotion around your child it is because it's a way you have learned to defend yourself from feeling what you felt at their age.

Outside of your awareness, their behavior is threatening to trigger your own past feelings of despair, of longing, of loneliness, jealousy, or neediness. And so you unknowingly take the easier option: rather than empathizing with what your child is feeling, you short-circuit to being angry or frustrated or panicked. Sometimes the feelings from the past that are being re-triggered go back more than one generation.

My mother used to find the shrieks of children at play irritating. I noticed that I, too, went into a sort of alert state when my own child and her friends were making a noise, even though they were enjoying themselves appropriately.

I wanted to find out more, so I asked my mother what would have happened to her if she had played noisily as a child.

the book you wish your parents had read

She told me her father-my grandfather-had been over fifty when she was born, he often had bad headaches, and all the children had to tiptoe around the house or they got into trouble. Maybe you're scared if you admit that, at times, your irritation with your child gets the upper hand, thinking it will intensify those angry feelings or somehow make them more real.

But, in fact, naming our inconvenient feelings to ourselves and finding an alternative narrative for them-one where we don't hold our children responsible-means we won't judge our children as being somehow at fault for having triggered them.

If you can do this, it makes you less likely to act out on that feeling at the expense of your child. You will not always be able to trace a story that makes sense of how you feel, but that doesn't mean there isn't one, and it can be helpful to hold on to that. One issue might be that as a child you felt that the people who loved you perhaps didn't always like you.

They might sometimes have found you annoying, hard work, disappointing, unimportant, exasperating, clumsy, or stupid. When you're reminded of this by your own child's behavior, you are triggered and you end up shouting or acting out whatever your default negative behavior is. There's no doubt it can feel hard, becoming a parent.

Overnight, your child becomes your most demanding priority, 24/7. Having a child may have even made you finally realize what your own parents had to deal with, maybe to appreciate them more, to identify with them more, or to feel more compassion for them. But you need to identify with your own child or children too.

Time spent contemplating what it may have felt like for you as a baby or a child around the same age as your own child will help you develop empathy for your child. That will help you understand and feel with them when they behave in a way that triggers you into wanting to push them away. I had a client, Oskar, who had adopted a little boy of eighteen months. Every time his son dropped food on the floor, the book you wish your parents had read left his food, Oskar felt rage rise up in him.

I asked him what would have happened to him as a child if he'd dropped or left food? He remembered his grandfather rapping his knuckles with the handle of a knife, then making him leave the room. After he got back in touch with what it had felt like for him as a little boy when he was treated like that, he found compassion for his own self as a toddler, which in turn helped him find patience for his child.

It's easy to assume our feelings belong with what's happening in front of us and are not simply a reaction to what happened in the past. As an example, imagine you have a four-year-old child who gets a huge pile of presents on their birthday and you sharply call them "spoiled" for not sharing one of their new toys. What is happening here? Logically, it's not their fault if they are the recipient of so much stuff. You may unconsciously be assuming they are undeserving of so many things and your irritation at that leaks out in a sharp tone or by you unreasonably expecting them to be more mature.

If you stop to look back, to become interested in your irritation toward them, what you might find is that your own inner four-year-old is jealous or feels competitive. Maybe at the age of four you were told to share something you didn't want to share, or you simply weren't given many things, and, in order not to feel sad for four-year-old you, you lash out at your child. I'm reminded of the hate mail and negative social media attention anyone in the public eye receives from anonymous sources.

If you read between the lines, what it seems to be saying more than anything is, "It's not fair that you're famous and I'm not." It's not so unusual to feel jealous of our children. If you do, you need to own it, not act out negatively toward your child because of it. They don't need parental trolling. Throughout this book I have put in exercises that may help you have a deeper understanding of what I'm talking about. If you find them unhelpful or overwhelming, you can skip them, and perhaps come back to them when you feel more ready.

Exercise: Where does this emotion come from? The next time you feel anger toward your child (or any other overly charged emotion), rather than unthinkingly responding, stop to ask yourself: Does this feeling wholly belong to this situation and my child in the present?

How am I stopping myself from seeing the situation from their standpoint? One good way to stop yourself from reacting is to say, "I need some time to think about what's happening," and to use that time to calm down. Even if your child does need some guidance, there's not much point in doing it when you're angry. If you give it then, they will hear only your anger and not what you are trying to tell them. You can do this second variation of the exercise even if you do not yet have a child.

Just notice how often you feel angry, or self-righteous, or indignant, or panicky or perhaps ashamed, or self-loathing, or disconnected. Look for patterns in your responses. Look back to when you first felt this feeling, tracing it back to your childhood, where you began to respond like this, and you may begin to understand to what extent this reaction has become a habit.

In other words, the response has at least as much to do with it having become a habit in you as it has to do with the situation in the present. Rupture and repair In an ideal world, we would catch ourselves before we ever acted out on a feeling inappropriately.

We would never shout at our child or threaten them or make them feel bad about themselves in any way. Of course, it's unrealistic to think we would be able to do this every time. Look at Tay-she's an experienced psychotherapist and she still acted on her fury because she thought it belonged to the present.

But one thing she did do to mend the hurt, and what we can all learn to do, is called "rupture and repair." Ruptures-those times when we misunderstand each other, when we make wrong assumptions, when we hurt someone-are inevitable in every important intimate and familial relationship. It is not the rupture that the book you wish your parents had read so important, it is the repair that matters.

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Penguin Life (February 4, 2020) • Language ‏ : ‎ English • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 320 pages • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1984879553 • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1984879554 • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.2 ounces • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.22 x 1.02 x 8.04 inches • Best Sellers Rank: #49,287 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books) • #229 in Popular Child Psychology • #1,347 in Parenting (Books) • #2,090 in Personal Transformation Self-Help • Customer Reviews: After volunteering with the Samaritans, Philippa trained as a psychotherapist.

She worked in the mental health field for several years before writing her graphic novel, Couch Fiction which lays bare the process of psychotherapy, published by Palgrave Macmillan in 2010.

Her second book, How to Stay Sane, was written for a series published by the School of Life and Pan Macmillan in 2012. Her third book, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad That You Did) will be published by Penguin Life in April 2019. As well as continuing her psychotherapy work with an organisation called Talk for Health, Philippa has presented several documentaries including: The Truth about Children Who Lie; The Age of Emotion; and Humiliation for BBC Radio 4.

For Channel 4 she has presented the documentaries: Being Bipolar; and The Great British Sex Survey. For BBC4 she has written and presented: Truth Lies and Love Bites, a history of Agony Aunts, and How To Be A Surrealist with Philippa Perry.

Along with this, Philippa also created a cartoon agony aunt series for Guardian Video and has contributed to many other radio and television programs. She lives in London with her husband the artist, Grayson Perry and they have a grown up daughter, the writer and illustrator, Flo Perry.

Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them. To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon.

It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness. Learn more how customers reviews work on Amazon Everyone is or has been at least one of these things: Parent, child, grandparent, grandchild, uncle, aunt, niece, or nephew. Most of us inhabit more than one of those roles, and they can define us, shape us, and not uncommonly, dominate our self-understanding in ways both good and bad. There is no shortage of specific advice to parents on subjects from children’s sleeping habits to the book you wish your parents had read, and it comes in a vast range of qualities, from excellent to dreadful.

A theme common to many of these parental-advice books is to frame matters in training terms: Sleep training, potty training, discipline training, and so on. While the training mindset may be useful for specific subjects a child needs to learn, it’s inadequate to the big picture of parenting. That’s what makes Philippa Perry’s “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read” a refreshing and highly worthwhile alternative to read.

Perry, who practices as a psychotherapist and admits to her own parenting faults refreshingly and openly in her book, makes the excellent case that, fundamentally, “we should not see our babies, children, and teenagers as chores to feed and clean or otherwise fix but as people from the start, people we are going to have lifelong relationships with”. In an engaging and warm tone, Perry offers thoughtful and accessible advice useful not only for parents, but for grandparents, aunts and uncles, and even adult children as well.

Over and over, she directs many of the common complaints and conflicts of adult-and-child interactions to the root cause of considering the underlying relationship. It’s hard to look at a newborn and imagine that in very little time at all, that diapered bundle of cries will turn into an adult. But the more deliberately the adults around that child consider their relationships with the child (especially in times of conflict, but also when laying the groundwork to avoid conflict), the better the outlook for how both individuals and the relationship between them will mature.

This is a book with insights containing value for anyone – even a childless orphan of advanced years, unless perhaps that individual is cloistered away from all human contact. But everyone else can gain at least some useful insight into relationships between generations, whether for current relationships or for understanding past ones.

Perry reminds the reader that, even though we are all imperfect, parents (and other adults) don’t have to strive to perfect the children in their orbits, because “[Y]ou are creating a person to love, not a work of art”. The book’s title may be over-the-top, but its advice is exceedingly well-grounded. At first I was excited to read this book based on the sample. The first half was interesting. Then it devolved into a biased and non-evidence-based bashing of letting your baby cry without you for even a few minutes, and even supporting your child in seated play before they can get to sitting by themselves.

As a physical therapist, the latter is horrendously ill-informed. Couldn’t finish reading it. Wish I could return and get my money back. I thought this book was superb but more than that, after about ten minutes I felt it was already changing my behaviour! My friend who recommended it said the same. Perry lays out her methods and thoughts very gently, with lots of good examples from real life, little case studies; but it’s the insights which really help.

Looking at WHY we lose our rag about certain trigger bits of parenting - going back to our own childhoods and looking at why - OH MY GOD. Brilliant. There’s also so much help here about FIXING those situations once you as the parent have cocked up.

Rupture / repair, as she puts it. And also advice on how to manage your parental situations better. When your kid says look at this, LOOK AT IT. I know that sounds sort of obvious but often I will say “hang on a sec I’m making dinner” etc. I feel like from now on I will do that differently because it doesn’t take two seconds to run and look. And the response you get is ♥️ I found it readable, funny, thoughtful, insightful, but most of all INCREDIBLY useful and, very very very rare for a book, genuinely life-changing.

emma who reads a the book you wish your parents had read 5.0 out of 5 stars Full of huge realisations and moments of insight Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 11, 2019 I thought this book was superb but more than that, after about ten minutes I felt it was already changing my behaviour!

My friend the book you wish your parents had read recommended it said the same. Perry lays out her methods and thoughts very gently, with lots of good examples from real life, little case studies; but it’s the insights which really help. Looking at WHY we lose our rag about certain trigger bits of parenting - going back to our own childhoods and looking at why - OH MY GOD.

Brilliant. There’s also so much help here about FIXING those situations once you as the parent have cocked up. Rupture / repair, as she puts it. And also advice on how to manage your parental situations better. When your kid says look at this, LOOK AT IT. I know that sounds sort of obvious but often I will say “hang on a sec I’m making dinner” etc. I feel like from now on I will do that differently because it doesn’t take two seconds to run and look.

And the response you get is ♥️ I found it readable, funny, thoughtful, insightful, but most of all INCREDIBLY useful and, very very very rare for a book, genuinely life-changing. This got a lot of good reviews so I had a go at it but found it to be all a bit of a headache.

I don’t think its intention is to make you feel a useless parent who is messing up your kid but that’s exactly how I (and friends) felt after reading it. All very valid points and tips; some are basic common sense but quite a lot that are just not achievable day to day. It also doesn’t really consider other lifestyles either just rounds everyone up as the same. All very well talking about co-sleeping etc. But some families aren’t able to facilitate that due to shiftwork, etc.

Also long term lack of sleep can have a hugely physical & mental detrimental affect on everyone in the household, especially the child but there was nothing to acknowledge that. It’s all a bit idealistic. Parenting is very different for everyone; due to culture, finance, support etc. It’s really clear that the author has only one child because the message about meeting your child’s needs and listening to them one on one when they have meltdowns etc. is quite achievable with one child (I remember the days of one!!).

But not so much with three (especially if they’re all having a melt-down at the same time). The story of her sitting with her daughter on the pavement to meet at her level just tickled me. I have 2 school runs and then work straight after, so sitting and reflecting on the pavement every time one of my children have a morning outburst is not going to happen.

And that summarises the book for me, all very lovely in theory but practically it is a bit unrealistic. The message was one of blame I think, if you get annoyed with your child it’s because it highlights something in your childhood. I’m sure that is sometimes true, however sometimes kids are just annoying(?!) sometimes they’re mean and greedy or rude and spoilt.

The idea that you can’t challenge that is a bit ridiculous. Can’t say I’ve taken much away from it really, the tone was too patronising and the content a bit too vague & middle class. I was a bit apprehensive about reading this. My inner critical parent doesn't need much excuse to rear up and undermine me, and I've got 14 years of being a parent to reflect back on, a fair few of which have been very fraught, so maybe it's too late for this kind of book?

But very glad I treated myself to it; a book that helps soothe that inner voice, whilst helping you reflect on things that you *know* aren't working with your parenting but you didn't really know why, or what you could do differently. Warning: you'll probably cry, a kind of reflective, forgiving cry that shifts your mascara half way down your cheeks.A wonderful book that's got me thinking about relationships in general, and my relationship with my son and my parents in particular.

Thank you. Interesting book which gives great advice on how to communicate with babies, children and teenagers. However the bit about sleep training didn't seem thoroughly researched - Perry suggests doing it gently and nudging a child to do this but she has obviously not experienced a baby who screams and cries every half hour through the night for many months or even years- imagine the stress for the baby and the parents.

This can lead to PND, constantly grumpy parents (not good for a baby), extreme fatigue and in some cases, can break up relationships. Fortunately my baby is a great sleeper (we were just lucky but might not be next time) but I have known countless friends who have tried nudging their baby to sleep with no success.

The only thing that has worked in most cases is sleep training which means a few nights of crying but then after, everyone is happy inc baby and parents. My brother is 36 and was sleep trained this way and is a happy, secure and sound sleeper. In an ideal world, where we lived in large family groups, had more support and didn't have to go back to work after 6 - 12 months then I agree, it might not be necessary but unfortunatly the reality is it is actually very hard for many families.

Most of us don't have the luxury of not working, having a huge family support system or large amounts of money to get help. However the rest of the book is good advice, I just think this is a contentious issue and should have been more tactfully put, thinking the book you wish your parents had read individual experiences.

I can imagine a lot of readers feeling guilty when the reality is, they didn't have any other choice and it's probably done the baby no harm if it is given great love and attention around that. This book is to be avoided by trauma survivors. Author describes in the first chapter ‘dealing with the past’, however, there is NO dealing with the past, she just stirrs up past hurts and leaves it there.

As a trauma survivor, this book made me unwell and vomiting. Book is also very shallow, touching many topics briefly, without going into depths and without offering a practical solution how to deal with issues. Book feel very mentoring, as if someone wants to feel good at your expense, yet the person is providing no real knowledge.

I got to page 33 without getting a single new information. I mean, who does not know today that you are not supposed to talk negative stuff to your child about your divorced other?

Amazon Music Stream millions of songs Amazon Advertising Find, attract, and engage customers Amazon Drive Cloud storage from Amazon 6pm Score deals on fashion brands AbeBooks Books, art & collectibles ACX Audiobook Publishing Made Easy Alexa Actionable Analytics for the Web Sell on Amazon Start a Selling Account Amazon Business Everything For Your Business AmazonGlobal Ship Orders Internationally Home Services Experienced Pros Happiness Guarantee Amazon Ignite Sell your original Digital Educational Resources Amazon Web Services Scalable Cloud Computing Services Audible Listen to Books & Original Audio Performances Book Depository Books With Free Delivery Worldwide Box Office Mojo Find Movie Box Office Data ComiXology Thousands of Digital Comics DPReview Digital Photography Fabric Sewing, Quilting & Knitting Goodreads Book reviews & recommendations IMDb Movies, TV & Celebrities IMDbPro Get Info Entertainment Professionals Need Kindle Direct Publishing Indie Digital & Print Publishing Made Easy Prime Video Direct Video Distribution Made Easy Shopbop Designer Fashion Brands Woot!

Deals and Shenanigans Zappos Shoes & Clothing Ring Smart Home Security Systems eero WiFi Stream 4K Video in Every Room Blink Smart Security for Every Home Neighbors App Real-Time Crime & Safety Alerts Amazon Subscription Boxes Top subscription boxes – right to your door PillPack Pharmacy Simplified Brought to you by Penguin. The number one Sunday Times best seller. From the UK's favourite therapist, as seen on Channel 4's Grayson's Art Club.

How can we have better relationships? In this Sunday Times best seller, leading psychotherapist Philippa Perry reveals the vital do's and don'ts of relationships. This is an audiobook for us all. Whether you are interested in understanding how your upbringing has shaped you, looking to handle your child's feelings or wishing to support your partner, you will find indispensable information and realistic tips in these pages.

Philippa Perry's sane, sage and judgement-free advice is an essential resource on how to have the best possible relationships with the people who matter to you most. Listening Length 8 hours and 52 minutes Author Philippa Perry Narrator Philippa Perry Whispersync for Voice Ready Audible.com Release Date March 07, 2019 Publisher Penguin Books Ltd Program Type Audiobook Version Unabridged Language English ASIN B07PGFZJTL Best Sellers Rank #37,707 in Audible Books & Originals ( See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals) #732 in Parenting & Families #1,560 in Relationships (Audible Books & Originals) #2,293 in Parenting (Books) Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.

To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness. Learn more how customers reviews work on Amazon Everyone is or has been at least one of these things: Parent, child, grandparent, grandchild, uncle, aunt, niece, or nephew. Most of us inhabit more than one of those roles, and they can define us, shape us, and not uncommonly, dominate our self-understanding in ways both good and bad.

There is no shortage of specific advice to parents on subjects from children’s sleeping habits to discipline, and it comes in a vast range of qualities, from excellent to dreadful.

A theme common to many of these parental-advice books is to frame matters in training terms: Sleep training, potty training, discipline training, and so on. While the training mindset may be useful for specific subjects a child needs to learn, it’s inadequate to the big picture of parenting.

That’s what makes Philippa Perry’s “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read” a refreshing and highly worthwhile alternative to read. Perry, who practices as a psychotherapist and admits to her own parenting faults refreshingly and openly in her book, makes the excellent case that, fundamentally, “we should not see our babies, children, and teenagers as chores to feed and clean or otherwise fix but as people from the start, people we are going to have lifelong relationships with”.

In an engaging and warm tone, Perry offers thoughtful and accessible the book you wish your parents had read useful not only for parents, but for grandparents, aunts and uncles, and even adult children as well.

Over and over, she directs many of the common complaints and conflicts of adult-and-child interactions to the root cause of considering the underlying relationship.

It’s hard to look at a newborn and imagine that in very little time at all, that diapered bundle of cries will turn into an adult. But the more deliberately the adults around that child consider their relationships with the child (especially in times of conflict, but also the book you wish your parents had read laying the groundwork to avoid conflict), the better the outlook for how both individuals and the relationship between them will mature.

This is a book with insights containing value for anyone – even a childless orphan of advanced years, unless perhaps that individual is cloistered away from all human contact.

But everyone else can gain at least some useful insight into relationships between generations, whether for current relationships or for understanding past ones. Perry reminds the reader that, even though we are all imperfect, parents (and other adults) don’t have to strive to perfect the children in their orbits, because “[Y]ou are creating a person to love, not a work of art”.

The book’s title may be over-the-top, but its advice is exceedingly well-grounded. At first I was excited to read this book based on the sample. The first half was interesting. Then it devolved into a biased and non-evidence-based bashing of letting your baby cry without you for even a few minutes, and even supporting your child in seated play before they can get to sitting by themselves.

As a physical therapist, the latter is horrendously ill-informed. Couldn’t finish reading it. Wish I could return and get my money back. I thought this book was superb but more than that, after about ten minutes I felt it was already changing my behaviour!

My friend who recommended it said the same. Perry lays out her methods and thoughts very gently, with lots of good examples from real life, little case studies; but it’s the insights which really help. Looking at WHY we lose our rag about certain trigger bits of parenting - going back to our own childhoods and looking at why - OH MY GOD. Brilliant. There’s also so much help here about FIXING those situations once you as the parent have cocked up.

Rupture / repair, as she puts it. And also advice on how to manage your parental situations better. When your kid says look at this, LOOK AT IT. I know that sounds sort of obvious but often I will say “hang on a sec I’m making dinner” etc.

I feel like from now on I will do that differently because it doesn’t take two seconds to run and look.

the book you wish your parents had read

And the response you get is ♥️ I found it readable, funny, thoughtful, insightful, but most of all INCREDIBLY useful and, very very very rare for a book, genuinely life-changing. emma who reads a lot 5.0 out of 5 stars Full of huge realisations and moments of insight Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 11, 2019 I thought this book was superb but more than that, after about ten minutes I felt it was already changing my behaviour!

My friend who recommended it said the same. Perry lays out her methods and thoughts very gently, with lots of good examples from real life, little case studies; but it’s the insights which really help. Looking at WHY we lose our rag about certain trigger bits of parenting - going back to our own childhoods and looking at why - OH MY GOD. Brilliant. There’s also so much help here about FIXING those situations once you as the parent have cocked up.

Rupture / repair, as she puts it. And also advice on how to manage your parental situations better.

When your kid says look at this, LOOK AT IT. I know that the book you wish your parents had read sort of obvious but often I will say “hang on a sec I’m making dinner” etc. I the book you wish your parents had read like from now on I will do that differently because it doesn’t take two seconds to run and look.

And the response you get is ♥️ I found it readable, funny, thoughtful, insightful, but most of all INCREDIBLY useful and, very very very rare for a book, genuinely life-changing. This got a lot of good reviews so I had a go at it but found it to be all a bit of a headache. I don’t think its intention is to make you feel a useless parent who is messing up your kid but that’s exactly how I (and friends) felt after reading it.

All very valid points and tips; some are basic common sense but quite a lot that are just not achievable day to day.

It also doesn’t really consider other lifestyles either just rounds everyone up as the same. All very well talking about co-sleeping etc. But some families aren’t able to facilitate that due to shiftwork, etc. Also long term lack of sleep can have a hugely physical & mental detrimental affect on everyone in the household, especially the child but there was nothing to acknowledge that.

It’s all a bit idealistic. Parenting is very different for everyone; due to culture, finance, support etc. It’s really clear that the author has only one child because the message about meeting your child’s needs and listening to them one on one when they have meltdowns etc. is quite achievable with one child (I remember the days of one!!).

But not so much with three (especially if they’re all having a melt-down at the same time). The story of her sitting with her daughter on the pavement to meet at her level just tickled me. I have 2 school runs and then work straight after, so sitting and reflecting on the pavement every time one of my children have a morning outburst is not going to happen.

And that summarises the book for me, all very lovely in theory but practically it is a bit unrealistic. The message was one of blame I think, if you get annoyed with your child it’s because it highlights something in your childhood. I’m sure that is sometimes true, however sometimes kids are just annoying(?!) sometimes they’re mean and greedy or rude and spoilt.

The idea that you can’t challenge that is a bit ridiculous. Can’t say I’ve taken much away from it really, the tone was too patronising and the content a bit too vague & middle class. I was a bit apprehensive about reading this.

My inner critical parent doesn't need much excuse to rear up and undermine me, and I've got 14 years of being a parent to reflect back on, a fair few of which have been very fraught, so maybe it's too late for this kind of book? But very glad I treated myself to it; a book that helps soothe that inner voice, whilst helping you reflect on things that you *know* aren't working with your parenting but you didn't really know why, or what you could do differently.

Warning: you'll probably cry, a kind of reflective, forgiving cry that shifts your mascara half way down your cheeks.A wonderful book that's got me thinking about relationships in general, and my relationship with my son and my parents in particular.

Thank you. Interesting book which gives great advice on how to communicate with babies, children and teenagers. However the bit about sleep training didn't seem thoroughly researched - Perry suggests doing it gently and nudging a child to do this but she has obviously not experienced a baby who screams and cries every half hour through the night the book you wish your parents had read many months or even years- imagine the stress for the baby and the parents. This can lead to PND, constantly grumpy parents (not good for a baby), extreme fatigue and in some cases, can break up relationships.

Fortunately my baby is a great sleeper (we were just lucky but might not be next time) but I have known countless friends who have tried nudging their baby to sleep with no success.

The only thing that has worked in most cases is the book you wish your parents had read training which means a few nights of crying but then after, everyone is happy inc baby and parents. My brother is 36 and was sleep trained this way and is a happy, secure and sound sleeper.

In an ideal world, where we lived in large family groups, had more support and didn't have to go back to work after 6 - 12 months then I agree, it might not be necessary but unfortunatly the reality is it is actually very hard for many families.

Most of us don't have the luxury of not working, having a huge family support system or large amounts of money to get help.

However the rest of the book is good advice, I just think this is a contentious issue and should have been more tactfully put, thinking of individual experiences. I can imagine a lot of readers feeling guilty when the reality is, they didn't have any other choice and it's probably done the baby no harm if it is given great love and attention around that. This book is to be avoided by trauma survivors. Author describes in the first chapter ‘dealing with the past’, however, there is NO dealing with the past, she just stirrs up past hurts and leaves it there.

As a trauma survivor, this book made me unwell and vomiting. Book is also very shallow, touching many topics briefly, without going into depths and without offering a practical solution how to deal with issues.

Book feel very mentoring, as if someone wants to feel good at your expense, yet the person is providing no real knowledge. I got to page 33 without getting a single new information. I mean, who does not know today that you are not supposed to talk negative stuff to your child about your divorced other? Amazon Music Stream millions of songs Amazon Advertising Find, attract, and engage customers Amazon Drive Cloud storage from Amazon 6pm Score deals on fashion brands AbeBooks Books, art & collectibles ACX Audiobook Publishing Made Easy Alexa Actionable Analytics for the Web Sell on Amazon Start a Selling Account Amazon Business Everything For Your Business AmazonGlobal Ship Orders Internationally Home Services Experienced Pros Happiness Guarantee Amazon Ignite Sell your original Digital Educational Resources Amazon Web Services Scalable Cloud Computing Services Audible Listen to Books & Original Audio Performances Book Depository Books With Free Delivery Worldwide Box Office Mojo Find Movie Box Office Data ComiXology Thousands of Digital Comics DPReview Digital Photography Fabric Sewing, Quilting & Knitting Goodreads Book reviews & recommendations IMDb Movies, TV & Celebrities IMDbPro Get Info Entertainment Professionals Need Kindle Direct Publishing Indie Digital & Print Publishing Made Easy Prime Video Direct Video Distribution Made Easy Shopbop Designer Fashion Brands Woot!

Deals and Shenanigans Zappos Shoes & Clothing Ring Smart Home Security Systems eero WiFi Stream 4K Video in Every Room Blink Smart Security for Every Home Neighbors App Real-Time Crime & Safety Alerts Amazon Subscription Boxes Top subscription boxes – right to your door PillPack Pharmacy Simplified
THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER From the UK's favourite therapist, as seen on Channel 4's Grayson's Art Club.

'A wonderful book' Richard Osman 'So clear and true . Helpful for all relationships in life' Nigella Lawson 'A fascinating read on the emotional baggage we all carry' Elizabeth Day ______________________________________________________________________________________ How can we have better relationships? In this Sunday Times bestseller, leading psychotherapist Philippa Perry reveals the vital do's and don'ts of relationships.

the book you wish your parents had read

This is a book for us all. Whether you are interested in understanding how your upbringing has shaped you, looking to handle your child's feelings or wishing to support your partner, you will find indispensable information and realistic tips in these pages. Philippa Perry's sane, sage and judgement-free advice is an essential resource on how to have the best possible relationships with the people who matter to you most.

_____________________________________________________________________________________ 'It gave me hope as a new parent' Babita Sharma 'This has genuinely had such a positive impact on my life and my relationship with my daughter' Josh Widdicombe 'She writes with an inquisitive elegance rarely found in parenting guides . it is forgiving and persuasive' Hadley Freeman, the Guardian 'Philippa Perry is one of the wisest, most sane and secure people I've ever met' Decca Aitkenhead, Sunday Times Magazine PUBLISHERS WEEKLY 18 NOV 2019 Healing from, and learning not to perpetuate, difficult upbringings is the linchpin of this practical, self-care centered parenting guide from psychotherapist Perry (How to Stay Sane).

Her primary focus is on the preschool years, though her range extends to addressing both expectant parents and those with adult children. Throughout, Perry invites readers to examine their attitudes toward parenting, focusing on the effect of painful experiences from one's own childhood. She urges parents to approach their young offspring as people deserving of their respect, and with whom they will have a lifelong bond. Perry takes a "nudging" approach to bedtime routines and other learnable behaviors, through which children progress in small incremental steps.

Her assertion that "all behavior is communication" applies not only to the young child, but to the parent as well; she asks readers to be aware of the messages they perpetuate as role models, to take responsibility for irksome behavior, and to establish an atmosphere of calm even when kids are misbehaving. Perry's kind but professional tone results in a helpful manual that will appeal to new parents who want an expert on board as they take the time to be reflective in their parenting.
Genres • Art • Biography • Business • Children's • Christian • Classics • Comics • Cookbooks • Ebooks • Fantasy • Fiction • Graphic Novels • Historical Fiction • History • Horror • Memoir • Music • Mystery • Nonfiction • Poetry • Psychology • Romance • Science • Science Fiction • Self Help • Sports • Thriller • Travel • Young Adult • More Genres • Genres • Art • Biography • Business • Children's • Christian • Classics • Comics • Cookbooks • Ebooks • Fantasy • Fiction • Graphic Novels • Historical Fiction • History • Horror • Memoir • Music • Mystery • Nonfiction • Poetry • Psychology • Romance • Science • Science Fiction • Self Help • Sports • Thriller • Travel • Young Adult • More Genres • This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children.

Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will B This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children.

Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad that You Did), renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry shows how strong and loving bonds are made with your children and how such attachments give a better chance of good mental health, in childhood and beyond.

She'll help you to: - Understand how your own upbringing may be impacting upon your parenting style - Contain, express, accept and validate your own and your child's feelings - Understand that all behaviour is communication - Break negative cycles and patterns - Accept that you will make mistakes and what to do about them Almost every parent loves their children, but by following the refreshing, sage and sane advice and steps in this book you will also find yourselves liking one another too.

.more I really hated this book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child. Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing!

So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations. There was some, of course, henc I really hated the book you wish your parents had read book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child.

Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing! So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations.

There was some, of course, hence the two stars; but I didn't find it nearly as helpful or readable as the classic How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, which Perry references. (And which approach in any case doesn't work for one of my two. Just saying.) Further irritations: the immense privilege in advice such as: spend 24 hours to a weekend one-on-one with your kid, either in a hotel or by shipping the rest of the family off to relatives.

Wow. Not an option for everybody, is that? Also the examples of how to seek support when you have a baby: "Maybe your mum can pay a year's rent! Maybe your sister can cook your meals!" Cue guffaws.

Sure, maybe that'll work for a lucky few. Not a hugely helpful idea for most, though (and while we're on the subject, what's with passing the burden onto specifically the women of the extended family?). And then there's the guilt-heavy attachment parenting philosophy. I lean towards AP myself, but yeesh. Perry insists that she doesn't want to judge, yet she draws a direct line from parents using their phone in front of kids to the kids' possible drug addiction in later life.

Yes, seriously. There are certainly plenty of reasons to the book you wish your parents had read your phone use, but that's a Bit Strong.

.more Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children.

It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were rai Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children.

It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. The book you wish your parents had read puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were raised, which often plays a major influence on how they parent their own children.

Key to everything is communication and pertinent advice is offered on how to handle problematic behaviours and patterns, the need to accept mistakes and supporting children in positive ways.

Widening and shifting perspectives on situations and understanding a child's point of view provide opportunities for better parent and child relationships. This is a great book for parents with plenty of useful advice on how to improve family life.

Many thanks to Penguin UK for an ARC. .more This is a lovely book for anyone starting a family. I skimmed some as my children are virtually adults and from what I've read I completely agree with Philipa. Give your children loads of patience, attention, be there for them whenever they need you and they should grow into happy independent individuals.

In short, the more time, attention and care you give them when they are small the less time you will have to spend sorting out problems when they are older. I agree with Philipa, I think it's h This is a lovely book for anyone starting a family.

the book you wish your parents had read

I skimmed some as my children are virtually adults and from what I've read I completely agree with Philipa. Give your children loads of patience, attention, be there for them whenever they need you and they should grow into happy independent individuals. In short, the more time, attention and care you give them when they are small the less time you will have to spend sorting out problems the book you wish your parents had read they are older.

I agree with Philipa, I think it's hugely important for children to have a parent around when they're small and have the option to get in your bed if they need it, it doesn't last for ever, I wish I could enjoy some of those times again. This book has some lovely, kind and sensible advice. Sadly though it might be one of those books you are more likely to read if you already have those views. I really hope this helps some people and their children.

.more I’m not reading this as a future parent, but solely for figuring out why I feel what I’m feeling. Being in my mid 20s sometimes made me realized that “I am not supposed to be treated this way” by my parents. It’s a fact that I find it hard to accept, since I have been seeing them as a perfect pair. I always believed that I should’ve been grateful for all the supports they have provided, and the endless love I never have to wonder. But this book made me realized that apart from being parents, they I’m not reading this as a future parent, but solely for figuring out why I feel what I’m feeling.

Being in my mid 20s sometimes made me realized that “I am not supposed to be treated this way” by my parents. It’s a fact that I find it hard to accept, since I have the book you wish your parents had read seeing them as a perfect pair. I always believed that I should’ve been grateful for all the supports they have provided, and the endless love I never have to wonder. But this book made me realized that apart from being parents, they are also humans. Perry helped me to answer most of my questions, how parenting & inner child trauma made me do what I do and made me feel what I feel.

She helped me to validate my feelings, provided clarity, and gave me warmth I never knew I needed. Yes, I wish my parents had read this book.

.more This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power. Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much i This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power.

Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much influence you have over them).

As she is a psychotherapist, I was expecting the inevitable section on attachment theory, which as usual was a mixture of common sense and unnecessary rules (why does a child have to form close attachments to exactly one or two people?

Is co-sleeping and skin-to-skin contact really necessary for bonding given decades of doing it differently? etc.) But on the whole, Perry manages to be remarkably undogmatic given the genre she's writing in. My problem was, then, that even though Perry is very careful to address her advice to 'parents' rather than 'mothers', she does ignore that fact that, inevitably, more mothers than fathers will read this book, and that the huge investment of time and emotional labour she suggests parents put into their children will, on average, be borne by women.

I agree with Perry's view that children deserve this time and attention, and I'm conscious of the fact that children don't choose to be born and so choosing to have children is choosing to put in this commitment.

However, Perry's parenting style seems to me to be only possible if both partners are doing an equal share of the work, which is still very far from the norm in Britain today in heterosexual couples. Otherwise, I feel like her advice might leave the parent doing the bulk of the child care (usually but not always the mother) feeling burnt out and mentally unwell.

She doesn't seem to have much sympathy, for example, for what she calls 'altered sleep patterns' (!!) that result from night waking, and is pretty condemnatory of anyone who dares to steal some leisure time for themselves while spending time with their child.

She seems to also forget about parents who have more than one child to deal with at once. Children definitely deserve to be taken seriously, and I totally agree with how Perry talks about children's feelings and needs.

However, this book should have recognised both that primary caregivers have needs as well, and that, in the real world, putting such a huge load solely on one person is bound to lead to struggles that will impact the child as well as the parent.

the book you wish your parents had read

While she obviously can't change this situation, she could have framed her advice differently. .more I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover. I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child - better after reading this. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on.

I will never do that again after re I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover. I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child the book you wish your parents had read better after reading this. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on.

I will never do that again after reading this book! I also liked how Perry eschews the idea of good and bad behaviour - preferring to call it "convenient" or "inconvenient", which is far less judgmental.

Even if you are not a parent, if you are curious about how you were raised and would like to reflect on your own childhood, or perhaps feel you have a few issues unresolved, I'd recommend reading this. .more Has some sensible but not earth-shattering advice about listening to and validating feelings. Overall it advocates a very intensive parenting style that in my view we can't possibly have evolved to need (it's telling that the author only had one child).

It comes across as more opinion than evidence-based psychology, steeped in a particular sub-culture, and some of the assertions border on the ridiculous. Has some sensible but not earth-shattering advice about listening to and validating feelings. Overall it advocates a very intensive parenting style that in my view we can't possibly have evolved to need (it's telling that the author only had one child).

It comes across as more opinion than evidence-based psychology, steeped in a particular sub-culture, and some of the assertions border on the ridiculous. .more DNF 50%.

the book you wish your parents had read

I don’t like parenting books that focus on what not to do and use extreme examples of “when things go wrong!” This was clearly written by a privileged, middle class mum with just one child.

Some working class families, both parents have to work to pay the bills! Some of her examples made me cry. The example of the ten year old trying to kill himself by jumping out the window because both his parents were working full time and he felt ignored reallly disturbed me. I don’t need that in my DNF 50%. I don’t like parenting books that focus on what not to do and use extreme examples of “when things go wrong!” This was clearly written by a privileged, middle class mum with just one child.

Some working class families, both parents have to work to pay the bills! Some of her examples made me cry. The example of the ten year old trying to kill himself by jumping out the window because both his parents were working full time and he felt ignored reallly disturbed me. I don’t need that in my head right now. The Silent Guides is a much better parenting book that’s positive and helps you understand your children rather than blaming the book you wish your parents had read parents for everything.

.more Argghh! What an infuriating book. Perry has some really useful insights and practical advice that make a lot of sense (some of which I'll no doubt do.or at least consider). Unfortunately it's presented in such a black and white, patronising, judgemental (although often with the caveat 'I'm not judging but.') way, I wanted to hurl it across the room.

Some of the propositions border on the absurd - Perry's own mea culpa (if you can even call it that) was that her adult daughter has a bad postu Argghh! What an infuriating book.

the book you wish your parents had read

Perry has some really useful insights and practical advice that make a lot of sense (some of which I'll no doubt do.or at least consider). Unfortunately it's presented in such a black and white, patronising, judgemental (although often with the caveat 'I'm not judging but.') way, I wanted to hurl it across the room.

Some of the propositions border on the absurd - Perry's own mea culpa (if you can even call it that) was that her adult daughter has a bad posture because Perry propped her up in a sitting position before she was able to. How do you make that leap with something as common as poor posture?

Similarly, parents who want their children to say please and thank you are narcissists. parents who use reward charts are manipulative and cannot therefore complain when their children become manipulative adults.

There are no sociopaths in this world, just children who have not been understood and responded to appropriately by their parents.

Still, don't worry - she's not judging. .more Fantastic. I'm going to listen to this every year. My strong and personal belief is that relationships rule all. Parenting, teaching, being a good friend.and this bottles that idea and gave me all the reasons why the author think this too, and the science to back it up. It's therapy heavy, it's probably going to make a lot of people mad or guilty, but I loved it.

Fantastic. I'm going to listen to this every year. My strong and personal belief is that relationships rule all. Parenting, teaching, being a good friend.and this bottles that idea and gave me all the reasons why the author think this too, and the science to back it up. It's therapy heavy, it's probably going to make a lot of people mad or guilty, but I loved it. .more 3.5 stars I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great!

This relatively short book is broken into the book you wish your parents had read, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations.

I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act. I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and 3.5 the book you wish your parents had read I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great! This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations.

I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act. I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and adults!) need to behave well, namely: 1. Being able to tolerate frustration; 2. Flexibility; 3. Problem-solving skills; 4. The ability to see and feel things from other people's point of view.

It is important to support your children in learning these qualities, but Perry also suggests that you should employ these qualities when handling situations with your children. I think that's a great way to approach things. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read. suggests ways of addressing things in your own childhood and putting them aside; creating a harmonious home environment; helping children to express how they really feel so their feelings are validated and understood; setting boundaries; accepting mistakes and making efforts to repair situations.

Perry encourages you to treasure your relationships with your children and work every day to improve the bond your share. I am really glad I read this book. Thank you to Netgalley and publisher for the opportunity. .more I saw so many five star reviews for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read that I had to see what all the hype was about. I had high expectations and I was disappointed. The book starts well with a section about your parenting legacy.

This encourages the reader to unpack one's childhood experiences and traumas and see how they can affect one's parenting. I found this fascinating and it would be good to see this topic expanded into a full book. The following chapters went downhill. Perry starts I saw so many five star reviews for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read that I had to see what all the hype was about. I had high expectations and I was disappointed. The book starts well with a section about your parenting legacy.

This encourages the reader to unpack one's childhood experiences and traumas and see how they can affect one's parenting. I found this fascinating and it would be good to see this topic expanded into a full book. The following chapters went downhill. Perry starts with pregnancy and goes through from babyhood to adulthood with her parenting advice. Much of this has already been published by other authors and there isn't much new advice here.

the book you wish your parents had read

As I have already read other books and articles about parenting (covering topics like being responsive to your baby, validating your child's feelings, etc) I felt like I had read it all before. Perry's writing style is weak and uncaptivating compared to other parenting books. However, what shocked and disappointed me most were her sweeping statements and strange theories that seemed to place a lot of unnecessary guilt onto the mother (or parent I guess).

For example, she states "a baby cannot survive without you". This is a standalone sentence. It is clearly incorrect. If I died tomorrow, my baby wouldn't automatically die too!

She also writes about screen time and phone usage. She claims that if a parent uses their phone a lot, it could cause their child to become an alcoholic or a drug addict. Seriously?! Unfortunately, Perry does not cite sources for any of her claims. I've given two stars for the first section on parenting legacy, which is the only part worth reading. There are many far better books about parenting available. .more Update: NO STARS. The more I reflect on this book the more fed up I actually get, because even though I skim-read the baby and toddler chapters since they don’t apply, the tone was disparaging and critical of any parenting method that contradicted the woman’s opinion.

The woman causes self-doubt. Avoid. There is some good stuff is here but it’s largely philosophy you can find in any gentle parenting/positive discipline book. I loved the the book you wish your parents had read of being a container for your child’s emotion—it’s evocative and it honestly works.

But the junk outweighs the good stuff. So.the stuff I hated: Perry reiterates “the ruptures don’t matter, it’s what you do to mend that matters” but her tone is so patronizing and condescending that you know she’s not so secretly judging you. God help the woman who happen There is some good stuff is here but it’s largely philosophy you can find in any gentle parenting/positive discipline book.

I loved the image of being a container for your child’s emotion—it’s evocative and it honestly works. But the junk outweighs the good stuff. So.the stuff I hated: Perry reiterates “the ruptures don’t matter, it’s what you do to mend that matters” but her tone is so patronizing and condescending that you know she’s not so secretly judging you.

God help the woman who happens to read this during post partum depression (if that’s you, just throw this book in the fire). I don’t think my kid will try and jump out a window because I made the mistake of trying to hard to make them happy, or grow up being ashamed on needing another person because they were sleep trained, or become a drug addicted because I look at my phone.

Honestly the majority of this stuff is totally absurd and I’m fairly sure the “evidence” she talks about sleep training is from that study fo Romanian orphanages where children were neglected for months and abused.

And one last thing: I had a very happy childhood but GASP I still manage to find my children annoying sometimes. .more This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read. The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on.

It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet L This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read. The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on.

It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet Lansbury's 'Unruffled' podcasts that put the philosophy of this book into action with practical tips on how to parent respectfully.

Thank goodness I found this book; it has changed my summer and my life. Whether you're a parent or not, this book has the power to improve all your human relationships, at any age.

I'm so grateful I came across it. .more First of all, I'm not a parent, but I work with kids. If neither of those are true for you, there's not enough here to make it worth your while--get a book on attachment theory instead if you want to understand your latent anger at your lousy parents.

I found myself muttering, "OK Boomer" at all the anecdata and groundless assertions. Seriously, there's a dramatized argument between a 60-year-old man and his 22-year-old son over a leather jacket that is the most Boomer-vs.-Gen Z thing ever. And o First of all, I'm not a parent, but I work with kids.

If neither of those are true for you, there's not enough here to make it worth your while--get a book on attachment theory instead if you want to understand your latent anger at your lousy parents. I found myself muttering, "OK Boomer" at all the anecdata and groundless assertions. Seriously, there's a dramatized argument between a 60-year-old man and his 22-year-old son over a leather jacket that is the most Boomer-vs.-Gen Z thing ever. And of course, the two recognize and vocalize their feelings and save their relationship (though who will get the jacket?!

Inquiring minds want to know). Perry truly believes that "all you need is love" and doesn't have much scholarly research to back her recommendations up. There is a bibliography at the end of the book with a few peer-reviewed articles, more mainstream parenting books, and several sketchy self-published sources.

Her advice seems most applicable to people like herself--well-to-do urban dwellers who don't have to do shift work and can hire au pairs and babysitters to help. She only alludes to abuse once in the entire book. And her solution to financial problems caused by high housing costs? "I believe that, while we wait for the politicians to rectify this unfairness, perhaps the previous generation could help out new parents financially as the book you wish your parents had read as emotionally." So.

new parents can expect a check from you, Philippa? Three stars because I don't wish my parents had read this book, but I don't wish they hadn't either. Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for a digital ARC for the purpose of an unbiased review. .more I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more.

This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier. I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future! This is not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what yo I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more.

This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier. I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future! This is not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what your child thinks and needs.

After finishing reading it two weeks ago, I wanted to work with some of the ideas before reviewing it. All I can say is that our home has been much calmer recently and that we've enjoyed more hugs than we have for a while.

Perry's approach makes complete sense to me. I'd particularly recommend this for new parents, but it's also a valuable read for those with older children. Please can Ms Perry next write a similar book for teachers? .more Parenting is never easy. There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books the book you wish your parents had read there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage.

This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who don’t buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case Parenting is never easy. There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books out there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage.

This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who don’t buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case studies and her own experience of being a parent.

She concentrates on the bigger picture of being a parent rather than the minutia, concentrating on the relationship and how important that is to their well being.

We have successfully managed to get our firstborn all the way through to adulthood as she was 18 earlier this year. Not totally sure how we managed that, but we did. We were never perfect and reading this has highlighted some errors, but I wish this was around all those years ago when she was first born.

If you are starting to hear yourself saying the things that your parent did then it is probably high time that you read this.

the book you wish your parents had read

It is full of sensible advice, but I wished it had more on teenagers, as it is mostly toddler focused. It does have sensible suggestions though and she re-iterates all the way through that these are suggestions and you sometimes need to go with your gut instinct.

.more I was worried about reading this book, because I’m still sorting grieving my parents, whilst coming to the book you wish your parents had read with being childless and perimenopausal.

Thought it might be a bit. well, triggery. But it was honest, straightforward, gently funny and kind, and helped me think about some stuff in my own upbringing in a useful way. The simple advice about how relating to people actually works in the real world feels slightly like magic, and the idea that honest attempts at repairing problems is more I was worried about reading this book, because I’m still sorting grieving my parents, whilst coming to terms with being childless and perimenopausal.

Thought it might be a bit. well, triggery. But it was honest, straightforward, gently funny and kind, and helped me think about some stuff in my own upbringing in a useful way. The simple advice about how relating to people actually works in the real world feels slightly like magic, and the idea that honest attempts at repairing problems is more important than perfection is one of those blindingly obvious things that it’s still helpful to be told.

A day after finishing this I was sitting in my local Starbucks, watching an exhausted looking young mum flick to and fro and re-read the same couple of pages whilst her baby slept happily next to her. They’re going to be ok. (I genuinely nearly cried). .more Prepare to face the skeletons in your closet. This is a giant therapy session, brushing cobwebs from the hidden-most corners of your childhood. It induced quite a few nightmares in me! But it’s all part of the process. I now feel cleansed and revived.

Philippa Perry uses the wisdom of many years as a psychotherapist, agony aunt, wife and mother to guide us through the frankly intimidating role of “parent”, with a focus on the early years.

Her sage theories are interspersed with case studies from Prepare to face the skeletons in your closet. This is a giant therapy session, brushing cobwebs from the hidden-most corners of your childhood. It induced quite a few nightmares in me!

But it’s all part of the process. I now feel cleansed and revived. Philippa Perry uses the wisdom of many years as a psychotherapist, agony aunt, wife and mother to guide us through the frankly intimidating role of “parent”, with a focus on the early years.

Her sage theories are interspersed with case studies from her clients and anecdotes from her own child-rearing days. None of this is done smugly but rather with an honest, human tone. I love the positivity that her attitude exudes.

A prime example: in another parenting book that I recently read, the author spoke of her disappointment at parents she overheard at the park, condemning their lack of knowledge and demonising their interactions with their children. Here, Perry praises random parents that she overhears.

She also cites her child’s headteacher as one of her major influences. And she is constantly reassuring us that it can, and will, be okay in the end. I don’t know if it’s the newfound confidence instilled in me, the results of the psychoanalytical journey that I’ve been on or the practical application of the clear guidance given. but I have seen an instantaneous shift whilst and since reading the book. I feel like I am more patient, calm and understanding.

I wonder how long it will last? My only criticism is that Perry is amazing. I mean, really amazing. As in goddess-like (is this a criticism?) She is zen during every toddler tantrum, balanced during every sleepless night, is never without time to listen to her child. It’s great for us to have a role model, but it also feels extremely unattainable.

I don’t know anyone who has even a tenth of her composure. But good on her! I thank her for her teachings. And I really do wish my parents had read this book. .more How I wished I had read this earlier so I won't make the mistakes I am making now. It would be illogical and pretentious if I say I'm practicing a perfect parenting style, because nobody is perfect and the only best thing to do is to better educated.

💭 There's so many things I've learned and re-learned in this book, but here's some of my takeaways : - Be with your child like how you want your parents to be with you when you are at the same stage. - Its always wise to settle your personal or issues How I wished I had read this earlier so I won't make the mistakes I am making now.

It would be illogical and pretentious if I say I'm practicing a perfect parenting style, because nobody is perfect and the only best thing to do is to better educated. 💭 There's so many things I've learned and re-learned in this book, but here's some of my takeaways : - Be with your child like how you want your parents to be with you when you are at the same stage.

- Its always wise to settle your personal or issues between you and your spouse before the consequences affect your children. - Come into realisation that pregnancy and parenthood are not projects. Childrens are not objects to be perfected. - Forgive yourself immerdiately if you think you attitude was wrong when you were pregnant.

Heal that stressful pregnancy by acknowledging you did what you could for yourself at the time with the knowledge and resources you had. - Instill sense of security in the early years of our childrens for the sake of their mental health, and its never too late to repair any rupture if they are older. - Parents need to be able to model how to tolerate frustration, flexibility, problem-solving skills and to see and feel things from other people's POV.

💭 This book has 6 topics that offers so many parenting tips and insights that can shed different lights into our lives if they are implemented. Its worth to be read and reread. I would recommend this book to all existing and expecting parents, and also anyone who have dreams to start a family of their own or to develop deep understanding about parenting that also includes emotionally and mentally care in it.

💭 Refreshing and non-judgmental, reading this book won't let anyone's bad parenting they have received in their childhood time to influence the way they parent their childrens. Break that negative cycles because your children's future is important. .more HOLYFUCK. Everyone should read this at least once. I almost didn't pick this up, but I did because I enjoyed Perry's last book. I didn't think I needed this until I gave it a good read. The audiobook is fantastic too. I'm quite certain that anyone who does not like this book is someone who is either in denial or someone who's toxic as fuck (and wants to continue their toxic ways of parenting, or being a toxic human being in general).

Like I mean - no shit, parenting is tough work - probably the HOLYFUCK. Everyone should read this at least once. I almost didn't pick this up, but I did because I enjoyed Perry's last book. I didn't think I needed this until I gave it a good read. The audiobook is fantastic too. I'm quite certain that anyone who does not like this book is someone who is either in denial or someone who's toxic as fuck (and wants to continue their toxic ways of parenting, or being a toxic human being in general).

Like I mean - no shit, parenting is tough work - probably the toughest work out there, that's why everyone who's into it/considering it should be serious about it. Not just some oops, pop and go, and carelessly fucking up lives. Domestic violence/child abuse is after all the most convenient and most complicated form of abuse.

The book you wish your parents had read would give a more thorough review, but I plan to read this a couple more times (or at least 'listen' to it). So I might give a better and more thorough review later, but regardless, I think everyone and anyone will benefit from reading this book.

Thank you Philippa Perry for writing this book. .more Parenting books are tricky - there are stuff that will be useful and very relatable, but most of them are usually not applicable at all. I feel the same when reading this book. The main idea is good, about how our childhood can affect our parenting style, and how to cut the vicious cycle of repeating the "bad parenting" to our children.

But - the book you wish your parents had read of the cases and solutions are just very privileged minded IMO. I agree that communication and transparency is important, but to exaggerate the "feeling Parenting books are tricky - there are stuff that will be useful and very relatable, but most of them are usually not applicable at all.

I feel the same when reading this book. The main idea is good, about how our childhood can affect our parenting style, and how to cut the vicious cycle of repeating the "bad parenting" to our children.

But - some of the cases and solutions are just very privileged minded IMO. I agree that communication and transparency is important, but to exaggerate the "feeling validations" from a baby is just too much. Also, this books deals more about the baby/toddler years, and not really discussed much about the tween/teen years. Oh, and although the writer said that she is not judgmental at all, she's pretty judgy most of the time XD .more Ann occasionally insightful book that has some pretty toxic ideas.

This book should probably be titled It's All Your Fault (But Don't Feel Bad, You're Just Ignorant). I found the earlier sections on reflecting on your own childhood to explain your current parenting interesting, but exaggerated. Psychotherapy is her hammer and the whole world is full of nails. Her condemnation of using distraction on your kids is laughable as any parent could attest.

It's her advice on sleep that is truly toxic. Lin Ann occasionally insightful book that has some pretty toxic ideas. This book should probably be titled It's All Your Fault (But Don't Feel Bad, You're Just Ignorant). I found the earlier sections on reflecting on your own childhood to explain your current parenting interesting, but exaggerated. Psychotherapy is her hammer and the whole world is full of nails.

Her condemnation of using distraction on your kids is laughable as any parent could attest. It's her advice on sleep that is truly toxic. Linking sleep training to an endless list of long term maladies based on paper-thin evidence and seemingly her own intuition is ludicrous. This book asks way too much of parents and even the most selfless martyr will fail her exams. Reading this book at least gave me an appreciation of the nonsense and bottomless well of guilt that mothers are faced with whenever they look for parenting advice.

.more A brilliant read to understand your own self - highlights quite a few traits, whether it's trusting, sharing your emotions, how you deal with stress, general day to day behaviour . and how it's linked to your childhood upbringing. The book you wish your parents had read very well written and has quite a few examples on how to deal with certain situations, for example when your kid is throwing a tantrum, or how you can build trust, or how a parent should tackle difficult conversations/topics.

This book challenged quite a few of my A brilliant read to understand your own self - highlights quite a few traits, whether it's trusting, sharing your emotions, how you deal with stress, general day to day behaviour . and how it's linked to your childhood upbringing. It's very well written and has quite a few examples on how to deal with certain situations, for example when your kid is throwing a tantrum, or how you can build trust, or how a parent should tackle difficult conversations/topics.

This book challenged quite a few of my beliefs (of raising kids) and I am glad that those opinions were rectified! This may not apply to you the book you wish your parents had read now, however I still highly recommend it!

.more Philippa Perry, author of How to Stay Sane, is a psychotherapist and writer who has written pieces for The Guardian, The Observer, Time Out, and Healthy Living magazine and has a column in Psychologies Magazine.

In 2010, she wrote the graphic novel Couch Fiction, in an attempt to demystify psychotherapy. She lives in London and Sussex with her husband, the artist Grayson Perry, and enjoys gardenin Philippa Perry, author of How to Stay Sane, is a psychotherapist and writer who has written pieces for The Guardian, The Observer, Time Out, and Healthy Living magazine and has a column in Psychologies Magazine.

In 2010, she wrote the graphic novel Couch Fiction, in an attempt to demystify psychotherapy. She lives in London and Sussex with her husband, the artist Grayson Perry, and enjoys gardening, cooking, parties, walking, tweeting, and watching telly. http://us.macmillan.com/author/philip. .moreCommunicating feelings helps build healthy parent-child relationships The book you wish your parents had read by Philippa Perry is a parenting book written by a psychotherapist.

Perry approaches the topic with an emphasis on the importance of developing relationships with your children. The main take-home message is that you need to take time to listen to your children’s feelings and communicate with them about your feelings.

Investing time and demonstrating trust through sharing of emotions helps to build strong relationships. This will help your children to make healthy relationships with others in the future. Key points: • How you feel as a parent is likely a reflection of how your parents were with you when you were your child’s age • If, as a parent, you are finding it difficult to deal with a kind of situation, it may simply because of how it was in your home • Communicate with your child about their feelings and acknowledge them • Try to do this even if their feeling don’t make sense • Verbaline feelings e.g.

“I can see you’re feeling really angry and upset because xyz…” • Talk about your own feelings in the first person during difficult conversations • E.g. “I feel scared when you don’t tell me where you’ve been after school.” • Similarly, use the first person when setting boundaries; justify your rules based on how it makes you feel • The overall aim is to encourage your children to acknowledge that having (and talking about) feelings is normal • Hopefully this will cultivate good mental health long-term • Acknowledge that it is your own feelings that determines whether you perceive a child’s behaviour to be ‘good’ or not • Instead think of it as ‘convenient’ or ‘inconvenient’ There were many sections of this book that I disagreed with or found difficult to read.

That probably means it was exactly the kind of thing I should be reading as it pushed me out of my comfort zone. More books like this: • Mindset by Carol Dweck • The Gardener and the Carpenter by Alison Gopnik Useful links: • Here are one, two, and three further summaries/reflections on this book for comparison
Genres • Art • Biography • Business • Children's • Christian • Classics • Comics • Cookbooks • Ebooks • Fantasy • Fiction • Graphic Novels • Historical Fiction • History • Horror • Memoir • Music • Mystery • Nonfiction • Poetry • Psychology • Romance • Science • Science Fiction • Self Help • Sports • Thriller • Travel • Young Adult • More Genres • Genres • Art • Biography • Business • Children's • Christian • Classics • Comics • Cookbooks • Ebooks • Fantasy • Fiction • Graphic Novels • Historical Fiction • History • Horror • Memoir • Music • Mystery • Nonfiction • Poetry • Psychology • Romance • Science • Science Fiction • Self Help • Sports • Thriller • Travel • Young Adult • More Genres • This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children.

Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will B This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children.

Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad that You Did), renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry shows how strong and loving bonds are made with your children and how such attachments give a better chance of good mental health, in childhood and beyond.

She'll help you to: - Understand how your own upbringing may the book you wish your parents had read impacting upon your parenting style - Contain, express, accept and validate your own and your child's feelings - Understand that all behaviour is communication - Break negative cycles and patterns - Accept that you will make mistakes and what to do about them Almost every parent loves their children, but by following the refreshing, sage and sane advice and steps in this book you will also find yourselves liking one another too.

.more I really hated this book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child. Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing! So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations.

There was some, of course, henc I really hated this book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child. Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing! So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations.

There was some, of course, hence the two stars; but I didn't find it nearly as helpful or readable as the classic How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, which Perry references. (And which approach in any case doesn't work for one of my two. Just saying.) Further irritations: the immense privilege in advice such as: spend 24 hours to a weekend one-on-one with your kid, either in a hotel or by shipping the rest of the family off to relatives.

Wow. Not an option for everybody, is that? Also the examples of how to seek support when you have a baby: "Maybe your mum can pay a year's rent! Maybe your sister can cook your meals!" Cue guffaws.

Sure, maybe that'll work for a lucky few. Not a hugely helpful idea for most, though (and while we're on the subject, what's with passing the burden onto specifically the women of the extended family?).

And then there's the guilt-heavy attachment parenting philosophy. I lean towards AP myself, but yeesh. Perry insists that she doesn't want to judge, yet she draws a direct line from parents using their phone in front of kids to the kids' possible drug addiction in later life. Yes, seriously. There are certainly plenty of reasons to limit your phone use, but that's a Bit Strong. .more Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents the book you wish your parents had read how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children.

It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were rai Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children.

It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were raised, which often plays a major influence on how they parent their own children.

Key to everything is communication and pertinent advice is offered on how to handle problematic behaviours and patterns, the need to accept mistakes and supporting children in positive ways. Widening and shifting perspectives on situations and understanding a child's point of view provide opportunities for better parent and child relationships. This is a great book for parents with plenty of useful advice on how to improve family life.

Many thanks to Penguin UK for an ARC. .more This is a lovely book for anyone starting a family. I skimmed some as the book you wish your parents had read children are virtually adults and from what I've read I completely agree with Philipa. Give your children loads of patience, attention, be there for them whenever they need you and they should grow into happy independent individuals.

In short, the more time, attention and care you give them when they are small the less time you will have to spend sorting out problems when they are older.

I agree with Philipa, I think it's h This is a lovely book for anyone starting a family. I skimmed some as my children are virtually adults and from what I've read I completely agree with Philipa. Give your children loads of patience, attention, be there for them whenever they need you and they should grow into happy independent individuals. In short, the more time, attention and care you give them when they are small the less time you will have to spend sorting out problems when they are older.

I agree with Philipa, I think it's hugely important for children to have a parent around when they're small and have the option to get in your bed if they need it, it doesn't last for ever, I wish I could enjoy some of those times again. This book has some lovely, kind and sensible advice. Sadly though it might be one of those books you are more likely to read if you already have those views.

I really hope this helps some people and their children. .more I’m not reading this as a future parent, but solely for figuring out why I feel what I’m feeling.

Being in my mid 20s sometimes made me realized that “I am not supposed to be treated this way” by my parents. It’s a fact that I find it hard to accept, since I have been seeing them as a perfect pair. I always believed that I should’ve been grateful for all the supports they have provided, and the endless love I never have to wonder.

But this the book you wish your parents had read made me realized that apart from being parents, they I’m not reading this as a future parent, but solely for figuring out why I feel what I’m feeling.

Being in my mid 20s sometimes made me realized that “I am not supposed to be treated this way” by my parents. It’s a fact that I find it hard to the book you wish your parents had read, since I have been seeing them as a perfect pair. I always believed that I should’ve been grateful for all the supports they have provided, and the endless love I never have to wonder.

But this book made me realized that apart from being parents, they are also humans. Perry helped me to answer most of my questions, how parenting & inner child trauma made me do what I do and made me feel what I feel.

She helped me to validate my feelings, provided clarity, and gave me warmth I never knew I needed. Yes, I wish my parents had read this the book you wish your parents had read. .more This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power.

Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much i This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power.

Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much influence you have over them).

As she is a psychotherapist, I was expecting the inevitable section on attachment theory, which as usual was a mixture of common sense and unnecessary rules (why does a child have to form close attachments to exactly one or two people? Is co-sleeping and skin-to-skin contact really necessary for bonding given decades of doing it differently? etc.) But on the whole, Perry manages to be remarkably undogmatic given the genre she's writing in.

My problem was, then, that even though Perry is very careful to address her advice to 'parents' rather than 'mothers', she does ignore that fact that, inevitably, more mothers than fathers will read this book, and that the huge investment of time and emotional labour she suggests parents put into their children will, on average, be borne by women. I agree with Perry's view that children deserve this time and attention, and I'm conscious of the fact that children don't choose to be born and so choosing to have children is choosing to put in this commitment.

However, Perry's parenting style seems to me to be only possible if both partners are doing an equal share of the work, which is still very far from the norm in Britain today in heterosexual couples. Otherwise, I feel like her advice might leave the parent doing the bulk of the child care (usually but not always the mother) feeling burnt out and mentally unwell.

She doesn't seem to have much sympathy, for example, for what she calls 'altered sleep patterns' (!!) that result from night waking, and is pretty condemnatory of anyone who dares to steal some leisure time for themselves while spending time with their child.

She seems to also forget about parents who have more than one child to deal with at once. Children definitely deserve to be taken seriously, and I totally agree with how Perry talks about children's feelings and needs. However, this book should have recognised both that primary caregivers have needs as well, and that, in the real world, putting such a huge load solely on one person is bound to lead to struggles that will impact the child as well as the parent.

While she obviously can't change this situation, she could have framed her advice differently. .more I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover. I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child - better after reading this.

On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on. I will never do that again after re I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover.

I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child - better after reading this. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on. I will never do that again after reading this book! I also liked how Perry eschews the idea of good and bad behaviour - preferring to call it "convenient" or "inconvenient", which is far less judgmental.

Even if you are not a parent, if you are curious about how you were raised and would like to reflect on your own childhood, or perhaps feel you have a few issues unresolved, I'd recommend reading this. .more Has some sensible but not earth-shattering advice about listening to and validating feelings. Overall it advocates a very intensive parenting style the book you wish your parents had read in my view we can't possibly have evolved to need (it's telling that the author only had one child).

It comes across as more opinion than evidence-based psychology, steeped in a particular sub-culture, and some of the assertions border on the ridiculous. Has some sensible but not earth-shattering advice about listening to and validating feelings. Overall it advocates a very intensive parenting style that in my view we can't possibly have evolved to need (it's telling that the author only had one child).

It comes across as more opinion than evidence-based psychology, steeped in a particular sub-culture, and some of the assertions border on the ridiculous. .more DNF 50%. I don’t like parenting books that focus on what not to do and use extreme examples of “when things go wrong!” This was clearly written by a privileged, middle class mum with just one child. Some working class families, both parents have to work to pay the bills! Some of her examples made me cry.

The example of the ten year old trying to kill himself by jumping out the window because both his parents were working full time and he felt ignored reallly disturbed me. I don’t need that in my DNF 50%. I don’t like parenting books that focus on what not to do and use extreme examples of “when things go wrong!” This was clearly written by a privileged, middle class mum with just one child. Some working class families, both parents have to work to pay the bills! Some of her examples made me cry.

The example of the ten year old trying to kill himself by jumping out the window because both his parents were working full the book you wish your parents had read and he felt ignored reallly disturbed me. I don’t need that in my head right now.

The Silent Guides is a much better parenting book that’s positive and helps you understand your children rather than blaming your parents for everything. .more Argghh! What an infuriating book. Perry has some really useful insights and practical advice that make a lot of sense (some of which I'll no doubt do.or at least consider).

Unfortunately it's presented in such a black and white, patronising, judgemental (although often with the caveat 'I'm not judging but.') way, I wanted to hurl it across the room. Some of the propositions border on the absurd - Perry's own mea culpa (if you can even call it that) was that her adult daughter has a bad postu Argghh! What an infuriating book. Perry has some really useful insights and practical advice that make a lot of sense (some of which I'll no doubt do.or at least consider).

Unfortunately it's presented in such a black and white, patronising, judgemental (although often with the caveat 'I'm not judging but.') way, I wanted to hurl it across the room. Some of the propositions border on the absurd - Perry's own mea culpa (if you can even call it that) was that her adult daughter has a bad posture because Perry propped her up in a sitting position before she was able to.

How do you make that leap with something as common as poor posture? Similarly, parents who want their children to say please and thank you are narcissists.

parents who use reward charts are manipulative and cannot therefore complain when their children become manipulative adults. There are no sociopaths in this world, just children who have not been understood and responded to appropriately by their parents. Still, don't worry - she's not judging. .more Fantastic. I'm going to listen to this every year. My strong and personal belief is that relationships rule all. Parenting, teaching, being a good friend.and this bottles that idea and gave me all the reasons why the author think this too, and the science to back it up.

It's therapy heavy, it's probably going to make a lot of people mad or guilty, but I loved it. Fantastic. I'm going to listen to this every year. My strong and personal belief is that relationships rule all. Parenting, teaching, being a good friend.and this bottles that idea and gave me all the reasons why the author think this too, and the science to back it up.

It's therapy heavy, it's probably going to make a lot of people mad or guilty, but I loved it. .more 3.5 stars I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great!

This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations. I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act.

I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and 3.5 stars I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great! This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations. I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act.

I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and adults!) need to behave well, namely: 1. Being able to tolerate frustration; 2. Flexibility; 3. Problem-solving skills; 4. The ability to see and feel things from other people's point of view.

It is important to support your children in learning these qualities, but Perry also suggests that you should employ these qualities when handling situations with your children.

I think that's a great way to approach things. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read. suggests ways the book you wish your parents had read addressing things in your own childhood and putting them aside; creating a harmonious home environment; helping children to express how they really feel so their feelings are validated and understood; setting boundaries; accepting mistakes and making efforts to repair situations.

Perry encourages you to treasure your relationships with your children and work every day to improve the bond your share. I am really glad I read this book. Thank you to Netgalley and publisher for the opportunity. .more I saw so many five star reviews for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read that I had to see what all the hype was about.

I had high expectations and I was disappointed. The book starts well with a section about your parenting legacy. This encourages the reader to unpack one's childhood experiences and traumas and see how they can affect one's parenting. I found this fascinating and it would be good to see this topic expanded into a full book. The following chapters went downhill. Perry starts I saw so many five star reviews for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read that I had to see what all the hype was about.

I had high expectations and I was disappointed. The book starts well with a section about your parenting legacy. This encourages the reader to unpack one's childhood experiences and traumas and see how they can affect one's parenting. I found this fascinating and it would be good to see this topic expanded into a full book. The following chapters went downhill. Perry starts with pregnancy and goes through from babyhood to adulthood with her parenting advice.

Much of this has already been published by other authors and there isn't much new advice here. As I have already read other books and articles about parenting (covering topics like being responsive to your baby, validating your child's feelings, etc) I felt like I had read it all before. Perry's writing style is weak and uncaptivating compared to other parenting books.

However, what shocked and disappointed me most were her sweeping statements and strange theories that seemed to place a lot of unnecessary guilt onto the mother (or parent I guess). For example, she states "a baby cannot survive without you". This is a standalone sentence.

It is clearly incorrect. If I died tomorrow, my baby wouldn't automatically die too! She also writes about screen time and phone usage. She claims that if a parent uses their phone a lot, it could cause their child to become an alcoholic or a drug addict.

Seriously?! Unfortunately, Perry does not cite sources for any of her claims. I've given two stars for the first section on parenting legacy, which is the only part worth reading. There are many far better books about parenting available. .more Update: NO STARS. The more I reflect on this book the more fed up I actually get, because even though I skim-read the baby and toddler chapters since they don’t apply, the tone was disparaging and critical of any parenting method that contradicted the woman’s opinion.

The woman causes self-doubt. Avoid. There is some good stuff is here but it’s largely philosophy you can find in any gentle parenting/positive discipline book.

I loved the image of being a container for your child’s emotion—it’s evocative and it honestly works. But the junk outweighs the good stuff. So.the stuff I hated: Perry reiterates “the ruptures don’t matter, it’s what you do to mend that matters” but her tone is so patronizing and condescending that you know she’s not so secretly judging you. God help the woman who happen There is some good stuff is here but it’s largely philosophy you can find in any gentle parenting/positive discipline book.

I loved the image of being a container for your child’s emotion—it’s evocative and it honestly works. But the junk outweighs the good stuff. So.the stuff I hated: Perry reiterates “the ruptures don’t matter, it’s what you do to mend that matters” but her tone is so patronizing and condescending that you know she’s not so secretly judging you. God help the woman who happens to read this during post partum depression (if that’s you, just throw this book in the fire). I don’t think my kid will try and jump out a window because I made the mistake of trying to hard to make them happy, or grow up being ashamed on needing another person because they were sleep trained, or become a drug addicted because I look at my phone.

Honestly the majority of this stuff is totally absurd and I’m fairly sure the “evidence” she talks about sleep training is from that study fo Romanian orphanages where children were neglected for months and abused.

And one last thing: I had a very happy childhood but GASP I still manage to find my children annoying sometimes. .more This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read.

The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the book you wish your parents had read generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on. It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet L This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read.

The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on.

It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet Lansbury's 'Unruffled' podcasts that put the philosophy of this book into action with practical tips on how to parent respectfully.

Thank goodness I found this book; it has changed my summer and my life. Whether you're a parent or not, this book has the power to improve all your human relationships, at any age. I'm so grateful I came across it. .more First of all, I'm not a parent, but I work with kids.

If neither of those are true for you, there's not enough here to make it worth your while--get a book on attachment theory instead if you want to understand your latent anger at your lousy parents. I found myself muttering, "OK Boomer" at all the anecdata and groundless assertions.

Seriously, there's a dramatized argument between a 60-year-old man and his 22-year-old son over a leather jacket that is the most Boomer-vs.-Gen Z thing ever. And o First of all, I'm not a parent, but I work with kids. If neither of those are true for you, there's not enough here to make it worth your while--get a book on attachment theory instead if you want to understand your latent anger at your lousy parents. I found myself muttering, "OK Boomer" at all the anecdata and groundless assertions.

Seriously, there's a dramatized argument between a 60-year-old man and his 22-year-old son over a leather jacket that is the most Boomer-vs.-Gen Z thing ever. And of course, the two recognize and vocalize their feelings and save their relationship (though who will get the jacket?! Inquiring minds want to know). Perry truly believes that "all you need is love" and doesn't have much scholarly research to back her recommendations up. There is a bibliography at the end of the book with a few peer-reviewed articles, more mainstream parenting books, and several sketchy self-published sources.

Her advice seems most applicable to people like herself--well-to-do urban dwellers who don't have to do shift work and can hire au pairs and babysitters to help. She only alludes to abuse once in the entire book.

And her solution to financial problems caused by high housing costs? "I believe that, while we wait for the politicians to rectify this unfairness, perhaps the previous generation could help out new parents financially as well as emotionally." So. new parents can expect a check from you, Philippa? Three stars because I don't wish my parents had read this book, but I don't wish they hadn't either. Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for a digital ARC for the purpose of an unbiased review.

.more I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more. This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier.

I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future! This the book you wish your parents had read not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what yo I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more.

This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier. I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future! This is not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what your child thinks and needs.

After finishing reading it two weeks ago, I wanted to work with some of the ideas before reviewing it. All I can say is that our home has been much calmer recently and that we've enjoyed more hugs than we have for a while. Perry's approach makes complete sense to me. I'd particularly recommend this for new parents, but it's also a valuable read for those with older children.

Please can Ms Perry next write a similar book for teachers? .more Parenting is never easy. There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books out there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage.

This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who don’t buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case Parenting is never easy.

There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books out there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage. This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who don’t buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case studies and her own experience of being a parent.

She concentrates on the bigger picture of being a parent rather than the minutia, concentrating on the relationship and how important that is to their well being. We have successfully managed to get our firstborn all the way through to adulthood as she was 18 earlier this year. Not totally sure how we managed that, but we did. We were never perfect and reading this has highlighted some errors, but I wish this was around all those years ago when she was first born.

If you are starting to hear yourself saying the things that your parent did then it is probably high time that you read this. It is full of sensible advice, but I wished it had more on teenagers, as the book you wish your parents had read is mostly toddler focused. It does have sensible suggestions though and she re-iterates all the way through that these are suggestions and you sometimes need to go with your gut instinct. .more I was worried about reading this book, because I’m still sorting grieving my parents, whilst coming to terms with being childless and perimenopausal.

Thought it might be a bit. well, triggery. But it was honest, straightforward, gently funny and kind, and helped me think about some stuff in my own upbringing in a useful way. The simple advice about how relating to people actually works in the real world feels slightly like magic, and the idea that honest attempts at repairing problems is more I was worried about reading this book, because I’m still sorting grieving my parents, whilst coming to terms with being childless and perimenopausal.

Thought it might be a bit. well, triggery. But it was honest, straightforward, gently funny and kind, and helped me think about some stuff in my own upbringing in a useful way. The simple advice about how relating to people actually works in the real world feels slightly like magic, and the idea that honest attempts at repairing problems is more important than perfection is one of those blindingly obvious things that it’s still helpful to be told.

A day after finishing this I was sitting in my local Starbucks, watching an exhausted looking young mum flick to and fro and re-read the same couple of pages whilst her baby slept happily next to her. They’re going to be ok. (I genuinely nearly cried). .more Prepare to face the skeletons in your closet. This is a giant therapy session, brushing cobwebs from the hidden-most corners of your childhood.

It induced quite a few nightmares in me! But it’s all part of the process. I now feel cleansed and revived. Philippa Perry uses the wisdom of many years as a psychotherapist, agony aunt, wife and mother to guide us through the frankly intimidating role of “parent”, with a focus on the early years. Her sage theories are interspersed with case studies from Prepare to face the skeletons in your closet. This is a giant therapy session, brushing cobwebs from the hidden-most corners of your childhood.

It induced quite a few nightmares in me! But it’s all part of the process. I now feel cleansed and revived. Philippa Perry uses the wisdom of many years as a psychotherapist, agony aunt, wife and mother to guide us through the frankly intimidating role of “parent”, with a focus on the early years.

Her sage theories are interspersed with case studies from her clients and anecdotes from her own child-rearing days. None of this is done smugly but rather with an honest, human tone. I love the positivity that her attitude exudes. A prime example: in another parenting book that I recently read, the author spoke of her disappointment at parents she overheard at the park, condemning their lack of knowledge and demonising their interactions with their children.

Here, Perry praises random parents that she overhears. She also cites her child’s headteacher as one of her major influences. And she is constantly reassuring us that it can, and will, be okay in the end. I don’t know if it’s the newfound confidence instilled in me, the results of the psychoanalytical journey that I’ve been on or the practical application of the clear guidance given.

but I have seen an instantaneous shift whilst and since reading the book. I feel like I am more patient, calm and understanding. I wonder how long it will last? My only criticism is that Perry is amazing. I mean, really amazing. As in goddess-like (is this a criticism?) She is zen during every toddler tantrum, balanced during every sleepless night, is never without time to listen to her child.

It’s great for us to have a role model, but it also feels extremely unattainable. I don’t know anyone who has even a tenth of her composure. But good on her! I thank her for her teachings. And I really do wish my parents had read this book. .more How I wished I had read this earlier so I won't make the mistakes I am making now. It would be illogical and pretentious if I say I'm practicing a perfect parenting style, the book you wish your parents had read nobody is perfect and the only best thing to do is to better educated.

💭 There's so many things I've learned and re-learned in this book, but here's some of my takeaways : - Be with your child like how you want your parents to be with you when you are at the same stage.

- Its always wise to settle your personal or issues How I wished I had read this earlier so I won't make the mistakes I am making now. It would be illogical and pretentious if I say I'm practicing a perfect parenting style, because nobody is perfect and the only best thing to do is to better educated.

💭 There's so many things I've learned and re-learned in this book, but here's some of my takeaways : - Be with your child like how you want your parents to be with you when you are at the same stage. - Its always wise to settle your personal or issues between you and your spouse before the consequences affect your children. - Come into realisation that pregnancy and parenthood are not projects. Childrens are not objects to be perfected. - Forgive yourself immerdiately if you think you attitude was wrong when you were pregnant.

Heal that stressful pregnancy by acknowledging you did what you could for yourself at the time with the knowledge and resources you had. - Instill sense of security in the early years of our childrens for the sake of their mental health, and its never too late to repair any rupture if they are older.

- Parents need to be able to model how to tolerate frustration, flexibility, problem-solving skills and to see and feel things from other people's POV. 💭 This book has 6 topics that offers so many parenting tips and insights that can shed different lights into our lives if they are implemented. Its worth to be read and reread.

I would recommend this book to all existing and expecting parents, and also anyone who have dreams to start a family of their own or to develop deep understanding about parenting that also includes emotionally and mentally care in it. 💭 Refreshing and non-judgmental, reading this book won't let anyone's bad parenting they have received in their childhood time to influence the way they parent their childrens. Break that negative cycles because your children's future is important.

.more HOLYFUCK. Everyone should read this at least once. I almost didn't pick this up, but I did because I enjoyed Perry's last book. I didn't think I needed this until I gave it a good read.

the book you wish your parents had read

The audiobook is fantastic too. I'm quite certain that anyone who does not like this book is someone who is either in denial or someone who's toxic as fuck (and wants to continue their toxic ways the book you wish your parents had read parenting, or being a toxic human being in general).

Like I mean - no shit, parenting is tough work - probably the HOLYFUCK. Everyone should read this at least once. I almost didn't pick this up, but I did because I enjoyed Perry's last book. I didn't think I needed this until I gave it a good read. The audiobook is fantastic too. I'm quite certain that anyone who does not like this book is someone who is either in denial or someone who's toxic as fuck (and wants to continue their toxic ways of parenting, or being a toxic human being in general).

Like I mean - no shit, parenting is tough work - probably the toughest work out there, that's why everyone who's into it/considering it should be serious about it. Not just some oops, pop and go, and carelessly fucking up lives. Domestic violence/child abuse is after all the most convenient and most complicated form of abuse.

I would give a more thorough review, but I plan to read this a couple more times (or at least 'listen' to it). So I might give a better and more thorough review later, but regardless, I think everyone and anyone will benefit from reading this book. Thank you Philippa Perry for writing this book. .more Parenting books are tricky - there are stuff that will be useful and very relatable, but most of them are usually not applicable at all.

I feel the same when reading this book. The main idea is good, about how our childhood can affect our parenting style, and how to cut the vicious cycle of repeating the "bad parenting" to our children.

But - some of the cases and solutions are just very privileged minded IMO. I agree that communication and transparency is important, but to exaggerate the "feeling Parenting books are tricky - there are stuff that will be useful and very relatable, but most of them are usually not applicable at all.

I feel the same when reading this book. The main idea is good, about how our childhood can affect our parenting style, and how to cut the vicious cycle of repeating the "bad parenting" to our children. But - some of the cases and solutions are just very privileged minded IMO.

I agree that communication and transparency is important, but to exaggerate the "feeling validations" from a baby is just too much. Also, this books deals more about the baby/toddler years, and not really discussed much about the tween/teen years. Oh, and although the writer said that she is not judgmental at all, she's pretty judgy most of the time XD .more Ann occasionally insightful book that has some pretty toxic ideas. This book should probably be titled It's All Your Fault (But Don't Feel Bad, You're Just Ignorant).

I found the earlier sections on reflecting on your own childhood to explain your current parenting interesting, but exaggerated. Psychotherapy is her hammer and the whole world is full of nails. Her condemnation of using distraction on your kids is laughable as any parent could attest. It's her advice on sleep that is truly toxic. Lin Ann occasionally insightful book that has some pretty toxic ideas.

This book should probably be titled It's All Your Fault (But Don't Feel Bad, You're Just Ignorant). I found the earlier sections on reflecting on your own childhood to explain your current parenting interesting, but exaggerated. Psychotherapy is her hammer and the whole world is full of nails. Her condemnation of using distraction on your kids is laughable as any parent could attest. It's her advice on sleep that is truly toxic. Linking sleep training to an endless list of long term maladies based on paper-thin evidence and seemingly her own intuition is ludicrous.

This book asks way too much of parents and even the most selfless martyr will fail her exams. Reading this book at least gave me an appreciation of the nonsense and bottomless well of guilt that mothers are faced with whenever they look for parenting advice.

.more A brilliant read to understand your own self - highlights quite a few traits, whether it's trusting, sharing your emotions, the book you wish your parents had read you deal with stress, general day to day behaviour .

and how it's linked to your childhood upbringing. It's very well written and has quite a few examples on how to deal with certain situations, for example when your kid is throwing a tantrum, or how you can build trust, or how a parent should tackle difficult conversations/topics. This book challenged quite a few of my A brilliant read to understand your own self - highlights quite a few traits, whether it's trusting, sharing your emotions, how you deal with stress, general day to day behaviour .

and how it's linked to your childhood upbringing. It's very well written and has quite a few examples on how to deal with certain situations, for example when your kid is throwing a tantrum, or how you can build trust, or how a parent should tackle difficult conversations/topics. This book challenged quite a few of my beliefs (of raising kids) and I am glad that those opinions were rectified! This may not apply to you right now, however I still highly recommend it!

.more Philippa Perry, author of How to Stay Sane, is a psychotherapist and writer who has written pieces for The Guardian, The Observer, Time Out, and Healthy Living magazine and has a column in Psychologies Magazine.

In 2010, she wrote the graphic novel Couch Fiction, in an attempt to demystify psychotherapy. She lives in London and Sussex with her husband, the artist Grayson Perry, and enjoys gardenin Philippa Perry, author of How to Stay Sane, is a psychotherapist and writer who has written pieces for The Guardian, The Observer, Time Out, and Healthy Living magazine and has a column in Psychologies Magazine. In 2010, she wrote the graphic novel Couch Fiction, in an attempt to demystify psychotherapy.

She lives in London and Sussex with her husband, the artist Grayson The book you wish your parents had read, and enjoys gardening, cooking, parties, walking, tweeting, and watching telly. http://us.macmillan.com/author/philip. .more

BOOK REVIEW & SUMMARY: THE BOOK YOU WISH YOUR PARENTS HAD READ




2022 www.videocon.com